Wardrobe Malfunction
by Random-Intermission
Summary: 'Now, I wish I could say that we removed the spell and no harm was done. But this isn't a hilarious tale that one tells to their wayward grandchildren. It's a story about broken hearts and mended ones, sporting events and school outings, cold winter evenings and inappropriate amounts of skin. As all high school stories are.'
1. Chapter 1

So this is how it was supposed to go:

1. Don't wake Lily Evans.

2. Sneak into the Gryffindor seventh year boy's dorm.

3. Permanently stick three troublesome pranksters into fluffy pink bunny suits. It was almost Easter, after all.

Easy enough, right? Maybe not so much. The problem with permanent sticking charms, other than the fact that they're apparently a nuisance to undo (and by nuisance I mean 'impossible'), is that they're incredibly hard to pull off. Dare I say that at the age of seventeen we weren't entirely ready to be attempting such spells.

Anyway. We got through two thirds of the plan easy enough. Lily's snoring on our way down the stairs to the common room made it pretty clear that part one had been a success. The surprisingly quieter but equally present sleeping sounds of our victims as we entered their room indicated that part two was going swimmingly also. Using an infinitely useful spell we'd learnt from Lily in second year we dressed the previously only underwear clad marauders in their new attire.

Here's where things must have gone a little funky. We never were quite sure if it was the clothing spell or the sticking charm that did it. Could have been both. Either way, everything seemed fine. If you could call Potter, Black and Lupin asleep in bunny suits 'fine' then sure, everything seemed fine.

After muttering the incantation and trying not to laugh ourselves into hysteria we left for the comfort of our own beds and the safety of the knowledge that we'd got our own back. Not just in verbal abuse or physical pain. We would be able to wake up tomorrow knowing that the three main players in the plot to embarrass us every day of our school lives would finally know, to some extent at least, what public humiliation feels like.

Maybe it was a little bit harsh but it was the kind of closure we needed. And maybe we shouldn't have done it without Lily but we all wanted to prove we could orchestrate a plot without her. But Merlin knows, we got what wished for. More than any of us could comprehend at the time.

* * *

Before any of us knew it morning had arrived. We all slept well and awoke with proud smiles on our faces. Until we realized why we had been interrupted from our dreaming in the first place. Arguably manly screams of sheer terror sounded from beyond the common room. I jolted into an upright sitting position in my bed and turned to the rest of the girls.

Lily's wavy red hair was obscuring most of her vision and despite the fact that I knew for sure she had slept last night her normally bright green eyes were dull and surrounded by red. She looked tired. I put it down to exam stress and instead examined her expression. Confusion was paramount.

Rory was scrambling about around her bed, her long mass of brown curls following behind her, as she attempted to change into her robes as fast as possible. All the while a broad grin stuck firmly on her delicate features.

Pritha sat on her bed mirroring me. And although her short blonde hair was a complete mess, which would normally have caused her significant distress, a look of unbridled joy was present on her face. That alone was enough to make the whole endeavor worthwhile, especially considering how distraught she'd been a mere two days ago.

To be perfectly honest, this had not been an out of the blue unexpected prank. I wish it could have been. Getting one up on the boys just for the fun of it would have been a success far too sweet to imagine. But truthfully, this had been revenge. Retaliation rightly due.

To say that Pritha was a control freak was an almost criminal understatement. She was a perfectionist. Everything had to be neat and tidy. Her clothes, her bed, even her thoughts. And when her thoughts wouldn't sit where they were told to in her head she sorted them. Using paper and pen. She organized them and hid them away where they would stay silent. She took her notebook everywhere with her.

It had started out as just a normal book. Something bought from a muggle shop. But Pritha soon fixed that. She charmed it so it never ran out of pages, so she could change the colour of the ink at will, so the pages numbered themselves automatically, so it checked her spelling. But the one thing she never did to the book was make it hard to open. She thought the only people who paid enough attention to know of its existence would respect her privacy. She was right to trust us. But she was wrong to trust the boys.

Naturally, being friends of Lily's we were all targets and we knew it. But Pritha had always stayed under the radar and the rest of us always drew their fire. The more argumentative amongst us stood out so Pritha wouldn't have to. We thought it had worked. We were wrong too.

You see there are many kinds of boys. Most can be categorized by what course of action they take when they wish to endear themselves to a female. Only two types of boy were the direct cause of the incident we were seeking retaliation for. The I'm-too-scared-to-say-anything type and the I-find-it-physically-impossible-to-keep-my-mouth-shut type.

The trouble really began when Remus Lupin took a very obvious liking to poor Pritha.

Remus, of course, had tried his hardest to make it unnoticeable or at the very most subtle but when your friends are the infamous James and Sirius subtlety is not an easy task. There were hallway taunts, dorm room break ins, implicating notes and finally the theft of an all important notebook. That was the line in the sand. The point at which their behavior could no longer go unpunished. And so the plan was hatched.

We thought by some miracle that we'd succeeded too as we raced down the stairs to investigate the source of the commotion. Instead of being met by the three marauders stuck snugly in their bunny suits as we had expected we witnessed something far more disturbing. Sirius was picking himself up off the floor after tumbling down the boy's staircase on top of James. Both boys were significantly underdressed for the occasion having arrived at the foot of the stairs in only their underwear.

Sirius then began thrusting his leg deeply into his pants, as James watched on from the carpet in anticipation, which to us seemed odd until his pants abruptly flung themselves off his person and across the room. The boys began yelling again as the trousers landed on the mantle.

We had managed until then to remain silent but as soon as our laughter caught James and Sirius' attention they collected themselves, or Sirius did, and we became the ones in the cross hairs. Sirius advanced upon us in a manner that, were he not wearing boxers with tiny broomsticks on them, would have been menacing.

"You did this!" Sirius accused as he moved closer. By now the girls had retreated to the dorms and I had stayed to brave the onslaught.

"Who me?" I pointed to myself in a mocking manner.

At this point Sirius was fuming. Not because he had no pants, he was probably enjoying the added attention, but because we had after all these years finally got the better of him. And as he stood before me red faced and angry I didn't even have time to admire his quidditch toned body for all I could do was burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Now, I wish I could say that we removed the spell and no harm was done. But this isn't a hilarious tale that one tells to their wayward grandchildren. It's a story about broken hearts and mended ones, sporting events and school outings, cold winter evenings and inappropriate amounts of skin. As all high school stories are.


	2. Chapter 2

"I kindly suggest you stop laughing. Right. Now." I had been laughing so had I had almost completely forgotten that Sirius was still standing in front of me trying to glare me into removing the, somewhat malfunctioned but still incredibly useful, spell that was cast on him and his two companions last night.

I was doubled over in front of him with my hands clutching my now aching sides until I looked up at Sirius's very menacing face.

"Sorry, I was distracted by your new choice of wardrobe. Not very flattering, I dare say." I forced out between chuckles.

"Very funny. Change it back, Marley." Sirius demanded stepping towards me in threatening manner so that he was mere inches from my face.

"I don't think I will, Black." I spat back at him, my mention of his last name dripping with pointed venom. "At least not until you return what you stole."

I tried my hardest to sound sly and mildly seductive in my last statement but, my anger from the other day having not abated even in part, it came out more aggressive than I had hoped.

Sirius leaned back ever so slightly so he was further away now. He scanned me in an analytical manner before replying to my threat with a question.

"Whatever are you talking about, my dear?" He somehow managed to match the exact tone I had intended to use previously except he added a small hint of mockery to his linguistic concoction. I mentally cursed him and attempted to ignore the humor I saw dancing in his expression.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Sirius. You give it back and this all goes away." I looked him dead in the eyes and hoped that he didn't notice the desperate plea hiding within my words.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you mean."

"Fine. Have it your way." I spotted Remus poking his head around the corner from the foot of the boy's staircase. I felt infinitely sorry for him but then remembered that if he'd bothered to keep his friends in check he wouldn't be in this mess. "But we're not reversing the spell until you give back Pritha's diary."

"If I see it around you'll be the first to know." Sirius retorted. I could tell he was still mocking me but he seemed in that moment to become marginally aggressive, adding sarcasm to his speech as he absconded back up the staircase to the boy's dorm.

Sirius disappeared around the corner at the same moment Lily descended the stairs behind me, this time appropriately dressed for classes although looking equally as tired as she had when she woke. I swiveled around to ask her if everything was alright but before I could speak a voice erupted from behind me.

"You did this!"

"Haven't we already been through this?" I turned again, towards the common room this time, but instead of encountering an angry Sirius I was pushed aside by none other than James Potter, who was sporting similarly hilarious undergarments to the Marauder I had spoken to (or rather argued with) moments before.

Apparently it wasn't me he was after.

Lily snapped out of her exhaustion fuelled daze as James waved an accusatory finger in her direction.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lily questioned sharply. Her tone indicated that not only was she confused by the implication but she was also sincerely not in the mood for James' nonsense today.

"What do you mean 'what'?" James provided Lily with a question in reply.

"I mean that I have no idea what you think I 'did' because all I see is a group of idiots running about the common room, whose level of emotional and mental maturity matches that of the patterns on their boxer shorts. And that all seems pretty normal to me." Lily snapped her retort back at James before looking him up and down quickly and adding the final taunt to her attack on his character.

"Baby stegosauruses? Really?"

"The stegosaurus was the king of the herbivores!"

"Congratulations, you just proved my point." Lily deadpanned in James' direction.

"That's my cue to leave." I said uneasily before slipping away to the female dorm although something tells me I could have transfigured myself into the subject of the current conversation and my departure still would have gone unnoticed.

As I got ready for the day's classes I could still hear shouting from downstairs and much to everyone's dismay it seemed to be getting louder. Somehow the conversation had apparently escalated from moderate insults to a fully self realized argument.

I reentered the common room five or so minutes later to witness the continuation of Lily and James' altercation.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Lily shouted at James who was standing nearly nose to nose with her looking very flushed and aggravated.

"I try! But every time I turn around you're there telling me off for something!" James yelled back.

"Maybe if you spent more time avoiding me and less time breaking the rules we'd see a lot less of each other which I for one wouldn't mind." She lowered her tone to less of a yell and more of a growl at this point.

I stood at the foot of the stairs again watching them. There were subtle clues in their behavior that allowed me a window into their thoughts. I could tell that Lily, while she may have hated Potter with a passion, at least appreciated James' appearance as she kept sneaking subtle glances at his abdomen between retorts. I could tell that James wasn't fond of the idea of leaving Lily alone by the lackluster nature of his usually witty responses. I could also tell that Lily was anxious about being late for class by the way her gaze darted toward the common room door every few seconds.

At that point I decided to intervene. The grumble of my stomach communicated to me that my body was in agreence. Instead of simply stepping between the quarreling pair, which I have learnt results in a telling off and occasional bruising, I walked casually past the feud, grabbing Lily's arm along the way and continued along my intended path, effectively tearing her from the hostile exchange.

"Hey!" James yelled after us as I opened the portrait hole.

"You can kiss and make up later." I quickly promised as we exited Gryffindor Tower.

Lily and I hustled down the corridor a few meters before she started talking about her argument with James.

"He called me arrogant. Can you believe that? James Potter calling anyone arrogant is downright hilarious."

I didn't respond with anything beyond a noncommittal nod. Lily could tell instantly something was bothering me.

"What's going on, Mar?"

I barely noticed that she'd said anything but somehow her question pierced a hole in my haze of distracting thoughts and I was brought back down to earth.

"Oh. I'm just trying to work out what Sirius is up to." I answered probably still sounding partially distant.

"What makes you think he's up to something?"

"You can always tell." I replied not meaning to sound so dismissive before extending my response. "You saw how furious he was when he realized we were the ones who cast that charm on them. He was mad. But even after I agreed to remove it he wouldn't give the diary back. It makes me think he's planning something. Something he needs the diary for. And whatever it is it's apparently worth walking around school in his underwear for an indefinite period of time."

Lily stared at me for a few seconds as we made our way down the corridor to the Great Hall. She seemed to be thinking over what I'd said and I could tell she knew that I was right. Sirius was planning something and it wasn't going to be pleasant for any of us. But it was too late now. We were just going to have to wait and see.


End file.
